ephemeral

i want to hold your hand, whoever you are.
electricity waves streamed your thoughts and fingertips to mine.
i've met you before, in lucid dreams.. a couple of times.
you were nothing i had thought of, but you were so perfect.. even when your eyes bubbled like a cuttlefish.
those strong arms kept me safe until i woke up.
dark eyes twinkled, even in the dimmest of fading lights.
soft lips smacked my fading skin; and..
i gripped all of it so strongly when i landed to my home planet.
my heart misses you..and the other you; any of you, really.
no one holds me here like you did. ..you appreciated every inch of me.
i'll find all of this again.
however, ..not through classified ads, ..just through starry lenses and clumsy phalanges.

Ouch

Stagnant water, she is replaying reels of a mystical man with costumes and lights. Eyes locked on the screen, following his piercing gaze, and the untamed locks of hair, she listens to the soothing growl of his voice. Her heart bursts, as she can still feel the warmth of his hands and radiation from his core. Little pout quivers, and salty streams run down her petal face; it hurts to breathe.

Ephemeral, everything is fleeting. Trust. Love. ...the intimacy. But, the memories always stick.
He'll never know what he did to her.

Come With Me (Another Lucid Dream)

Wandering through a hazy environment, I am not too sure of what is going on. 

Nothing seems to connect. 

However, like a bolt of lightning, something clicks, and I realize that I am in a dream. 

At that moment, whichever character I am with, transforms into an idealistic, tattooed man in his 30s. 

We are lying in a bed, and I am cuddling the way I normally do in real life. 

My arm is draped over his chest, and my leg engulfs his body like a koala bear. 

I hold onto him tightly; and I swear.. I can feel how muscular and warm he is. 

My lips kiss his cheek and his neck, and I whisper to him...

"Hey, I know it isn't possible, and this is actually the first time I have asked this in a lucid dream, ...but, will you please come with me? ..to the waking world?"

He smiled and shook his head. He said that he simply couldn't. I felt so sad, especially when he told me what I would be waking up soon. 

Somehow, he knew that I was a kinky-kind-of-girl.. so, to cheer me up, we had a very short-lived episode of fun.. before I faded away again. 

I always look forward to every romantic encounter in my lucid dreams. 

Two lucid dreams...

This morning, I experienced two lucid dreams, as I was in and out of sleep.
Both were romantic, but the second one was layered.

I can only remember bits and pieces of the experiences, but both lovers were unique in their own way.
A skill I have developed is sensing when consciousness is approaching.

In the first lucid dream, it seemed that, instead of me dying near the end, he was instead..
As our time was drawing near, his face began to melt off, starting with his left eyeball (this was after our shower together).
I mentioned it to him, and he said that he knew. He knew that we would be fading away soon.
It was different to see him dying, instead of me.

The second lucid dream presented me with such a handsome man- a ginger with deep, brown eyes, and muscular arms that held me so well. He told me that he had just had a birthday, and that he had just turned 23. I asked him if he was okay with an older woman. He did not have a problem with it, and he found me to be very sexy. With such an attractive lucid dream partner, there was more physical engagement involved. But, as the end drew closer, i clung to him, treasuring our special encounter. It's so strange that I could feel how firm and warm his arms were around me.

I had woken up into another dream, but just for a little while. Shortly thereafter, I was fully awake in the conscious world again. I miss them already.

Romantic Lucid Dream (The Series: III)

This is my third romantic lucid dream within the last three years.
It may have been Samuel again because, since the first time I had been with him, he had told me that I may see him again, but in a different body.
In the lucid dream that I have recently woken up from, I had been cleverly battling spirits and demons. I say "cleverly" because, since I knew that I would not die, I fought them with make-out attacks. That's right- I lunged at the demons, threatening to make out with them. It was working until one of the spirits had turned into a handsome man in mid-kiss. It had shocked me at first, but I decided to go along with it. I was in a lucid dream, after all.
I remember telling him that this was going to be short-lived, as dreams tend to be no longer than 5 minutes in the waking world. He understood, so he held me and kissed me softly. I asked him for a piece of gum because I did not feel confident about my breath. He smiled, and obliged with my request.
After what seemed like no time at all, I could feel myself crying in the dream. He asked me what was wrong. I told him that lucid dream lovers are always better than the ones in the conscious life. He sighed and smiled a little at me.
I could feel myself starting to slip away, as he held me in his arms, like I was dying within them. Looking up into his eyes, I whispered it again "Lucid dream lovers are always better than the ones in the conscious life."
I woke up, and I was alone again.

Kiddo is a Solo Act

Once in a while, I think it is such a shame that no one has swept me up from earth's terrain to be theirs. Since I was a child, I have dreamed of being abducted by an alien male, infatuated with my organic and bionic anatomy. I have even grown my hair out to the longest of pigtails. Not only that, the knobs of my irises have turned to the purest of jaded greens. I painted my pout a rosy pink, and lathered my skin in rich, luscious oils. A pre-adolescent voice calls out to the sky, screaming to be carried up steps to a UFO...especially when i gaze at monthly meteor showers.. Until then, my nimble fingers write, draw, illustrate, and paint.. i paint my dreams. I paint anything I want to...

Yours

Is it possible to miss someone I have never met? Well, goddamnit, of course it is.
Unspoken words caress your ears in dreams. My green eyes faintly sparkle in your imagination.
What color are your eyes?
If I were a photographer, I would capture your irises within milliseconds. As a painter, I would divulge each hue carefully with the softest acrylics.
Your fingertips are aggressive, yet delicate, gliding across this cybernetic terrain.
With every bite of my lip, my gears spin wildly. My system has been aching for a new, experienced technician.
For the procedure, please dress me in only combat boots, electrical tape, eyeliner, and pigtails. For you, please charm me in a black suit.
My eyes will remained closed until you awaken me..
Xx

Geminids

Weeping rain clouds flee the scene, and a cold breeze caresses the side of my face. Glittering particles soar through a brisk December night, and I am awestruck as I gaze upward, admiring the Geminids meteor shower. As each traveling star shoots through the dark sky, I gasp like a child seeing fireworks for the first time. Some of meteors are faint and speedy sparks, while others sail through as bright balls of fire, leaving trails of glowing space dust. The last one counted is the most brilliant of them all, triggering my imagination. Extraterrestrial beings seem to be signaling me to come back home.

South Taurids

Painter sweat pants, boots, flannel, snow jacket, and trooper hat- my gear for viewing the South Taurids meteor shower. As soon as I step outside, the very second I look upward, a meteor already greets me, shooting across the dark terrain above. Well, good evening there, #1. Perfectly enough, Explosions in The Sky makes melodies and rhythms in my ears, while I search for more traveling stars. Now, mind you, this is no Perseids shower, but I am in hopes of catching my fireball tonight. To my satisfaction, lo and behold, she is #6. Bold and beautiful, #6 glides a bit more slowly than the others, and much more brightly- she is my fireball. Gasping like a child in awe, my thoughts hone in on what my heart desires. The wish I make attaches itself to her, and she disappears into the night, with a promise it will come true. #7 makes me wait a long time for her, like the love you have been waiting for your whole life. She zips by, whispering good night, as I stand up to retreat to my warm headquarters. Thank you, South Taurids.
And good night, to the raccoon who scared the living bejeezus out of me.

Piano Keys for 337

Trudging through the deafening factory, my wirey, fragile framework awkwardly limps forward to my monotonous  station.  The grand hierarchy have bolted the heaviest of weights to my copper calves, in order to disable me from making an escape from the plant. My dexterous, quick hands provide value for their plot, and to lose me would mean a decline in productivity.
One of the clergy detected that my software developed a virus. I have learned how to feel.
With fear that I would call out to creature I feel for, the secretary general blacksmith sautered my silvery lips shut. The only audio heard from my system is the droning hum of my synthetic heart.
Also, unfortunately, my programmer confessed to the leaders that I have a telepathic messaging feature.
Instantly, the IT crew of the conglomeration placed fierce monitoring on my CPU.
At any moment, with any attempt to transmit a cyber message to anyone, an overpowering surge of electricity pierces me and causes my system to overheat. This forces a disconnection from contacting the one I pine for.
My vigilant guardian actually cares about me. She, Jezelle, senses a special spark within me.
Jezelle warns me that if I force too many messages, my system will become strained and my performance will decline. With that, the plant cannot use me anymore. ..and they will dispose of me, for good.
Glassy-eyed, and mute, I nod.
With that, I sense the monitors increasing their radar upon me, i think, "CUPCAKES!"
Their security calms down.
At the end of the day, Jezelle escorts me to my resting cell.
There, I have chalk, a bouncy, green ball, and an old, upright piano.
If tappy, chalky screeches are not heard, nor the ricochet of a rubber ball, a plinking of piano chords are harmoniously relished by other inmates.
The guards let me play it at night.
Piano keys fly and soar. Notes rocket to the skies.
Can he hear me I wonder..?
They are all for him.
The sad melodies. The happy, energetic ones, all of them.
Only way I can communicate with 337.
Traveling through my barred window, around willow trees, into puffy clouds, and gently floating to his ear.
If he truly can hear it, he will know it is me.

sounds and skin

cannot shake this fleet of snow, nor spark of sun.
harmonica and jaw harp ring in my ears.
your heart beats within me, like a shaking bass.
click, rumble, hum, brrring!
so many sounds..
but nothing compares to the silence i shared with you.
the only thing my ears heard was your fingertips gliding across my silky skin, and your soft breath on my rosy cheek.
my deep-set eyes shut to travel to this safe haven.
meet me there.

imagination

painting oceans and skies, and creating new worlds.
where kiddo swims and flies, and gentle, loving creatures escort her.
blue green atmospheres, and cotton candy melon environments.
energetic animals soar and rocket.
brightly-pigmented-haired robot girl grips these traveling wonder-bodies.
she can go anywhere.
her electric imagination is more real than anything she has ever known.

how i am designed

laying on the cold, gridded floor, metal arms stretched out, staring up at the stalactite ceiling, i am silently replaying video reels in my computer brain.
over and over again. some in bright, vivid colors, and others washed out and dull.
certain clips and footage overheat my system for a moment.
the pause button is pressed frequently, as i study a pair of eyes that once gazed into mine.
he looked into my clicking, camera eyes quite often.

my programmer stands over me.
"you have work to do."
the dazed expression on my tin face shifts to a focused stare.
nodding, i leap upward, and march to my station.
here is where i disappear, this is where everything else disappears.
music blasts, feet tap, paint brushes clink, paint splatters, colors abound, robot pigtails fly, aviator goggles sparkle, air fills with robot singing, imagination is at full throttle.
kiddotron is designed to be this way.

saying goodbye

Breath quick and heart heavy, I know I do not have much time with you.
They are coming for me, the stone men with rifles, lethal to robot-kind.
Running is useless. There is no escape.
Frozen in my tracks, you lift my chin up with your gentle hand, and look into my flickering eyes.
"It's going to be okay."
Lip quivering, oily tears trickle down my cheek.
Warm, strong arms embrace my body, as I stand there silently shaking.
An army of rapid footsteps are heard.
They're here.
Desperately, I look up at your blue eyes to keep them as a memory.
Before this data can be archived, two soldiers seize my cyborg limbs and yank me away.
While being dragged away along the rocky ground, I sneak one last snapshot of you.
You are holding a metal part from my left shoulder.
Gazing down at it, you smile a little.
some binary information is permanently lost, but I will always remember that smile.

kiddo breaks, makes, and loves

it has come to my attention that i seem to have a partial, if not passionate obsession with drawing and painting on every surface (including my own skin), and breaking everything that is capable of being shattered.
my theory is that my parents were so restricting of my creativity, that now, to this day, i cannot help but be insane, and destroy to create.
i love applying my soul to everything..
gazing at what i have contributed to a surface feeds me.
and i love singing while doing it..
music and art are the two things that make this world fantastic for an ET cyborg girl named Kiddo.

my only wish is to have someone to do this with, peering into their eyes that lead to their soul, smiling (exposing all teeth), and dancing like a superhero...

kiddo and teeth, no orthodontic work at all

i believe that if pixie dust were sprinkled upon me, i would defy gravity more than an astronaut ever could.
peter pan and his lost boys have nothing on this soaring kiddobot.
a human creature man makes me happy.
and my wings grow, and i rocket everywhere because of him.
toothy grin, eyes widened, and paint dripping from my fingers.
my hat is crooked, but i like it that way, while my black cat grins at me so lovingly.
she knows i am happy.

how people see kiddo

two things said to me recently that touched my heart, and made me happy.

(1) "you may not realize it, jen, but you lead an exciting life."
said to me a couple days ago..
this was an epiphany for me to hear this. my eyes lit up and my soul glowed brightly.

(2) "there is really no one else like you, kiddo"
this made my day today.

remembered one more thing..
one from a month or so ago..
(3) "people try to be something or someone. but, you don't. you just are you..without even trying."

a poetic journey

i do not think i am any happier than when i am making things.
painting.
assembling.
destroying.
writing.
composing.
singing.
dancing.
just creating whatever my imagination formulates.
i enjoy the solitude within this.
yet, to do all of this with someone great...
this is what i dream of.

a trailblazing, dreamy adventure together.

my glassy eyes look to space.. my mouth curves up, and i think i will find this someday.

wires

connected by wires, like thin delicate threads.
threads that we wish will not unravel.
i will follow these frail lines to you.
across a country, battling armies.
across an ocean, defeating sea monsters.

when my mechanical hands are at work, i think of you.
the thought of your eyes, voice, and soul feed my imagination.

"i really want to break things and make things with you"

such a wonderful thing to envision.

adventure.
exploration.
creation.
running and flying.
with you.

kiddo is a candidate

the changing future is drawing nearer.
a mysterious herald reached out to me yesterday, and informed me that i am a candidate for their new land.
i gave up all hope that they wanted me. apparently, they have reconsidered adopting me into their magical environment.
it is between me and two other opponents.
my best was given, all of it.
i practically gave my heart on a silver platter.
in a matter of days, it will be revealed to me if my ticket for adventure will be in my hands, or if i have to keep chasing it down.