a fact of life

in my experience, disappointments are at its worst when i am in love with the person. that's the way it works, you know?
maybe if it was someone else, it wouldn't really matter.
but, since it is him, i cannot fight this feeling of betrayal, as melodramatic as that may sound.
and i keep telling myself, "this is stupid. this is stupid. this is not a big deal."
however, deep down inside, "it's a big deal to me."