my future.

green irises, and pupils enlarged, i know my new plan for me.
brick wall, the sound of traffic, paint supplies and tools everywhere.
bottlecaps on the ceiling.
works of art all over my walls.
headphones over my ears, while i paint my soul on every surface ever.
pigtails flying, while i am flying.
practicing electric guitar.
meeting new creatures all the time.
galleries and unique food.
sensory overload.
imagination station.
i am there already.

i feel everything

rebel.
running.
afraid.
yearning.
breathless.
flying.
confident.
indifferent.
melting.
held.
rising.
alone.
metaphysics.
existentialism.
love.
neglect.
everything.

i feel everything.

just the beginning, really.

all with headphones over ears.
music soothing me.

malfunctioning

creeped through the screeching, metal door, to the outside.
the skies so blue today, and the fluttering birds harmonious in sound.
i step lightly and with rhythm, to the beat of my battered heart.
there are various lights and sounds, some intense.
my eyes and ears embracing it all.
familiar, smiling faces greet me, and i give my usual teethy grin.
hugs bestowed, stories exchanged.
yet, in the back of my mind, tucked away, you're there.
and i wish you were in front of me, being the one i was clasping tightly.
for a moment, my expression appears lost, and i am questioned for my glassy daze..
jolted, i shrug, and say it's nothing.
just wondering if we thought of each other at the same time today.

kiddo is programmed

envisioning myself out of this place, messy hair and eyes huge like tea cups, my tiny pout lowered in awe, chin raised in ecstasy.
lights aglow and everything is fresh.
i am in a new world.
stepping in a march, happily and free. i am where i belong.
this is the dream that enwraps me everyday with eurphoria.
however, i cannot help but imagine that i will be captively saved from it..
maybe, i secretly desire to be rescued from the journey.
it is possible that i crave a different adventure than before.
only the days passing will tell.
and only my ever-changing soul will tell.
i gazed into eyes that may change everything..
maybe, maybe not.
cyborg girl is programmed to do what is best for her future.

headphones on, head bopping, paint brush rhythmic in motion, i do not care what happens.

kiddo & connective soul

i do not want to be in love with anyone.
why?
because.. it results in being out of love.
just want to fall, and fall.. and fall...
through the clouds.. and dreams.
the gliding touch of a man's hand on my delicate face..
fingers running through my hair..
tight embrace...
all of it, for the first time..
their glassy eyes fixed on me..
soft lips on my skin..
no need for complication of the future.
only the here and now..
our hands will collide..
then separate..
longing for each other..
in a other world.

K I D D O & D R E A M S

this morning, i fed my cats; and i went back to bed to have the craziest series of dreams.

i will not reveal all that i dreamt...

however, the short film of dreams consisted of:

being at a lively social gathering, on top of a stone building..

we looked up at the night sky..and the most surreal and magical meteor shower began..
we ran to the edge of the building..

our eyes were open wide, awestruck..
all was romantic.

i felt like i was in greece.. with all the stone, marble, and sculptures..

included in this sequence of dreams was lucid dreams, with layers..

the scenery was the house i grew up in when i was very young..

i knew i was dreaming.. and i awoke in a dream...

HOWEVER, when i awoke in the dream, it was then that i did not know i was dreaming, because it seemed so real.

this occurred a couple more times, thereafter.

when i officially awoke, i had to grip my sheets and bed several times to convince myself.. that this was all real life.

i touched my face.

...i believed it felt real. it was.

i reflected on all the events i dreamt about all day.. as they faded away.. as all dreams eventually do.

kiddo's earthling parents

sometimes i wonder if i really had actual parents.
you know, legitimate caretakers of their offspring.
was that real?
to this day, i am puzzled.
i am nothing like these human creatures.
and i feel like we are strangers, yet i love them.
were they faking this whole time?
do they know the facts about where i am from, but failed to reveal the truth?
they kind of look at me oddly, as if i were adopted.
...it all makes sense now.
they love me to death, but i am not theirs.
however, they are fascinated with my rebellion against their planet.
i still love my earthling parents.
very much.
..and i know they cherish me in an unorthodox style.

i wish i could say i knew my real parents.. but i do not.
so, i love the ones i do know. colossally.

my superpowers are fading here

on my home planet, i was a painter by day, and a super-hero by night.

since i came to earth, being a super-hero is more difficult than ever before.
earthlings do not want to be saved. they have too much pride.

also, my vision is so impaired on this planet. without prescriptive lenses, i cannot focus on objects here.
(positive note: lights in the dark appear as fireworks and snowflakes)..

at any rate, i reach out to these creatures here on earth, and they fear my earnest attempts to save them, as they retract their plea.

..i am puzzled, and retreat myself, heart-broken because i failed to rescue their hearts.

and while all this is going on, during my time here, i wonder.. while i am trying to save everyone, ..who the fuck is saving me?

for my autobiography

"your eyes, the way you see life and beauty. your painting. you just take me away to this magical place.

not just when i talk to you, but even when i think about you. it brings me to a warm, happy place, and makes me smile."

-anonymous for now...

going to be a quote in my autobiography one day.