memories, dreams, and imagination

sometimes my mind drifts back to about a year ago.

and i think, "damn, it feels like a long time since all of that."

things were so different then. so bittersweet.

and let's face it, things were so different 3 years ago too. and 5 years ago, and 7 years ago.

everything i have ever known and remembered feels to be in another lifetime.

people i have met, events and happenings in my life, and all other metamorphoses are so far, far away now.

and well hell, after flipping through photographs of my childhood, and getting shot up with flashbacks of a forgotten bliss, all of those memories just seem like i was asleep and dreaming.

however, i woke up a long time ago; and i have been fighting to hang on to the faint images in my brain that sometimes slip away.

and after all that...

now i think, where will i be in 1 year from now?

i want to be where my imagination and heart take me.

the journey

each day is a step, a step that makes up many within a long journey.
although, i wish it were a quick and easy journey.

i am working my way towards a goal, and a place where i can finally be who i am.
this place is far, far away; and i find myself frustrated and hopeless.

they say "look at you. why haven't you made it yet? will you ever get there?"
i look down at my feet and respond "i'm working on it. i promise."

there are those who believe in me though.
they say i can do anything.
"you can do it, kiddo! i just know it!"
and i feel a spark light within me.

but, should i believe in me?

i think i should.
..because if i do not, then i will never make it.
i have to make it.
and no one, not even myself, will stop me.

i make my world

i used to believe in everything.
in my youth, i was naive and accepting of what the big people told me.
the thought was grown-ups know best.
life was easy- all the facts were laid out for me.

but, i'm older now.
and i see that adults lie and/or are misinformed and mistaken on what they say.
the difference between what is real and what is false is blurred.

i used to believe in everything.
now, i'm skeptical and do not trust what is said to me without full evidence.
it may be safe to say i believe in nothing.

reality is what i make of it.
i control what is real; and i believe what i make with my mind.
it's the only way to live.

euphoric memories

after thinking carefully, i believe that if i could have one wish, it would be selective memory.
how great would it be to be able to delete those certain flashbacks of heartache and remorse?
i would like full control of my data banks.
"ok, i don't need this now, nor ever."
"this person. i would like to forget."

it is understood that mistakes would absolutely be deleted.
and don't we learn from our mistakes?
don't care! DELETED!
perhaps, i would encounter the subconscious knowledge that i should not go forward with person, place, or thing.
maybe..i would just know, based on instinct..from learned, yet forever gone experience.
therefore, it will be ok!

in addition, i would like to request memory replacement.
i will fill in and repair those areas that seem empty and scarce.
perspective determines one's reality.
to improve personal reality...

i would make it as if i were euphoric all my life.